Very good start I have to say, definitely one of the better of the many demos on this site. Obviously its short but that's to be expected, I quite liked the line where you stand up to James, felt appropriate of a ruler. Lots of subtle hints about characters in their descriptions. Gonna be following you and probably adding this to a collection, keep up the good work
One comment, that might be a more opinionated thing, is that Margarete seems to be the type weary of romance due to her vast and bad experiences... at like 22? It's.. a little early in life to be that weary unless you had REALLY traumatizing experiences.Might just be me, bc 22 feels very young to me and they could have had maybe 5 years or so of romantic endeavors on the side...
yeah i'm gonna have to agree. i think Lady Margaret being this world weary person with all this influence on top of being close friends with the Queen at the age of 22 is just not believable unless the Queen had the MC at an extremely young age.
Hi - thanks for sharing your feedback. I hope as the game progresses, some of this will make more sense as information is revealed. I would like to point out that Margaret is employed by the Queen but not as much of a "friend" than her right hand who carries out her wishes on missions. She is a spy but also a noblewoman. And her family is the wealthiest merchant family in Castelon and well known in other parts of the world. So, her family carries influence.
I will try to make some of these things clearer as the game progress. However, the game has only covered 2 days time so there wasn't much space yet for me to dive deeper into this.
Heya, I really enjoyed your demo, but there were a few points that could do with an edit/bug fix:
Pretty much first line: when you make your character it says "like you, they are a ...woman/man/trans/nb" and that is just not true, bc James is always a guy. It sounds like you are choosing their gender as well, which is sending a few mixed messages at first. Maybe word it a little more like "Without accounting for gender, they look just like you. You are ... " Or "There are only subtle differences in your looks, you are..... " and then maybe for the male choice as "both men"?
Second bigger thing: if you dance with Felix and then come back, the text says Anne is talking with Felix, rather than younger sibling F while you come back with him from the dancefloor for most of the scene. Maybe there's a variable flipped in the code somewhere?
Overall I really enjoyed the dialogue choices and I was positively delighted at the many many opportunities to hug people and show affection physically, bc that's usually just something awkward like putting your hand on their arm/shoulder (which personally, I always saw as a weird patronizing and stilted gesture rather than a comforting one). I am also very torn on who I want to romance first, because they are all equally delightful, but thankfully on itch I can just make save files for several MCs and all the different routes I play! Hell, yes!! Thank you for your work and sweat and tears!
Hi! For the first part, the "like you, they are..." is referring to MC's ancestor from the past, not James. At that point, MC is looking at their ancestor's portrait. Apologies for any confusion - I will see if I can make that clearer in future iterations. MC's ancestor is supposed to change name/gender based on what MC chooses. However, I have had some variable problems and need to check that.
The second thing: yes, I thought that was fixed about Felix but apparently not. I will fix it before the next update. It got kinda messed up because I moved the code from ChoiceScript which was a lot of work haha. Thank you for letting me know so I can look into it!
In regards to Margaret, something I hope to portray in more of the game is that a lot of her wariness to romance is just due to general wariness to being vulnerable due to her being hurt by people in her life, not all necessarily romantic partners. A lot of it was her family, people she trusted. Now, she finds it hard to open her heart to others. However, I appreciate hearing your thoughts and how it is received.
Thanks for giving my demo a try and for your feedback. I really appreciate it and will try to keep it in mind when I make another update!! I look forward to hopefully hearing your thoughts when chapter 2 comes out :)
whsjwksndb already so invested in the story, i reall want to rant about how much i love every character but sadly my memory is absolute garbage and i forgot every single name. I JUST REALLY LOVE HOW YOU WROTE THE CHARACTERS IS ALL
also love how much freedom you have the reader, it genuinely feels like there are so many paths to take that make your character's decisions alot more meaningful! :]
im not used to commenting, i did my best lolol i absolutely adore this, cant wait for the next chapter <3
Hey, some quick questions. How customizable is player character, do you get to make meaningful choices, how far does sexual content go, how far is development, and how frequent are updates?
Hello, there's quite a bit of character customization in the demo: first name, pronouns, gender, royal title, tattoos, scars, family motto, a pet.
You do get to make meaningful choices and there will be different endings and different paths that you can take. Not every choice is necessarily meaningful but many are.
The current demo has the Prologue and Chapter 1, which is just over 40K words. The game's plot is outlined and I am working on chapter 2 at this time.
I can't give a hard date on when I update because it depends. Each chapter has a lot of branching and that takes time. But chapter 2 will be coming out around October (most likely).
Oh, since I was using the app, I actually didn't even realize there was also a web version. If I realized that I would have clarified that it's on the app version that saves don't work. I checked the web version and they do work there.
Oh, thanks for letting me know. I'm still trying to figure it out but hopefully I will be able to. I'm sorry for any inconvenience about the offline saves!
I'm not having trouble loading saves. It doesn't save, so there is nothing to load. And it's not internet, it's the fact that it's the offline version of the game.This is the error I get:
Gotcha, thanks for sharing the error, that helps. I haven't heard of anyone else having this issue and I asked some people to test the saving offline. But the screenshot is helping so I can try to look into it. Thank you.
hey! just thought i'd let you know that twine's in-game save slots work using your browser cache--meaning, they won't work on the itch.io app, as the itch.io app is not a browser with caches. that's why those slots work on web versions, but not on the app. this isn't exactly something authors can fix as far as i'm aware, but you can use the 'save to disk' option to download your saves and the 'load from disk' option to load them, i believe! hope this helps :)
I'm completely aware that that is how it works by default, but you definitely *can* change that default. Plenty of Twine authors have done so. I just don't know how to do it myself.
I’m kind of sad Felix isn’t a RO. I love a first love story & I know Frederick had his reasons, but whatever the reasons, they don’t explain why he chose to do THAT (trying not to spoil lol). Plus, Felix is so fun! Ah well, maybe I’ll forgive Frederick over time, or maybe I’ll just stick to Constantine.
There’s a typo or two throughout, but I didn’t think to take note of where, sorry about that. Other than that, I think this is a great start. My ONE possible critique would be it’d be nice to have options for a MC that either doesn’t care about her brother & Anna’s budding romance or doesn’t really like/support/feel comfortable with it.
Oh - hey, I meant to update on here but forgot, I made Felix an RO officially!
There will be more about what F did and why in chapter 2 :)
It's okay about the typos, I'm trying to find them all :D
I'm taking a break from writing this week but appreciate your feedback on the options and definitely think they are good suggestions so I'll see if I can work some of those in for when I update.
Haven't played yet, but I added it to my collection to play later. It looks so unique, I like how the characters are silhouettes and how vintage this looks!
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felix my BELOVED. i love the way you write! i can already tell this is gonna be one of my favorites
thank you so much!! <3
I would love to see more of Margaret, amazing writing, love love love love this , I also put this in my ccollection.
Yay - there is definitely more Margaret on the way )
I am so excited to play more! I love that you can play simply platonic!!!!
Yay! And yes, all kinds of relationships can be meaningful. :)
ABSOLUTELY LOVE THISSS MOREE!
Thank you!!
Whelp im in love with Fredrick. This was so amazingly written! I cant wait for more :))
Aw! Thank you so much. Chapter 2 has a special scene with F. :)
Thank you James for bringing me my future husband. Constantine is lovely and i gladly accept his hand in marriage. 😌
thanks for giving my demo a try <3
I Always Have A Bad Habit Of Adding Every Scar Possible, My Character Looks Like A Half Eaten Vachon Passion Flakie
Haha! Might be more scars later on.
Ah yes now the trouble begins either choosing Constantine or one of the brothers what a cruel fate I must decide
:) or just get into a love triangle mess haha. Thanks for playing my demo!
I keep reading Castelon as "Castleton" and it is hilarious
hah! Some people on Tumblr said they always read Constantine as Constantinople.
Hi!
I loved the demo and I can't wait for more content.
Keep up the good work!
Shine on :)
Thank you so much!! :)
Very good start I have to say, definitely one of the better of the many demos on this site. Obviously its short but that's to be expected, I quite liked the line where you stand up to James, felt appropriate of a ruler. Lots of subtle hints about characters in their descriptions. Gonna be following you and probably adding this to a collection, keep up the good work
Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope you will enjoy the story as it progresses. :D
One comment, that might be a more opinionated thing, is that Margarete seems to be the type weary of romance due to her vast and bad experiences... at like 22? It's.. a little early in life to be that weary unless you had REALLY traumatizing experiences.Might just be me, bc 22 feels very young to me and they could have had maybe 5 years or so of romantic endeavors on the side...
yeah i'm gonna have to agree. i think Lady Margaret being this world weary person with all this influence on top of being close friends with the Queen at the age of 22 is just not believable unless the Queen had the MC at an extremely young age.
Hi - thanks for sharing your feedback. I hope as the game progresses, some of this will make more sense as information is revealed. I would like to point out that Margaret is employed by the Queen but not as much of a "friend" than her right hand who carries out her wishes on missions. She is a spy but also a noblewoman. And her family is the wealthiest merchant family in Castelon and well known in other parts of the world. So, her family carries influence.
I will try to make some of these things clearer as the game progress. However, the game has only covered 2 days time so there wasn't much space yet for me to dive deeper into this.
Thanks for giving the demo a try.
i hope i didn't sound too harsh, but thanks for the reply ^-^
No - feedback is helpful. Thank you for taking the time to leave it!
Heya, I really enjoyed your demo, but there were a few points that could do with an edit/bug fix:
Pretty much first line: when you make your character it says "like you, they are a ...woman/man/trans/nb" and that is just not true, bc James is always a guy. It sounds like you are choosing their gender as well, which is sending a few mixed messages at first. Maybe word it a little more like "Without accounting for gender, they look just like you. You are ... " Or "There are only subtle differences in your looks, you are..... " and then maybe for the male choice as "both men"?
Second bigger thing: if you dance with Felix and then come back, the text says Anne is talking with Felix, rather than younger sibling F while you come back with him from the dancefloor for most of the scene. Maybe there's a variable flipped in the code somewhere?
Overall I really enjoyed the dialogue choices and I was positively delighted at the many many opportunities to hug people and show affection physically, bc that's usually just something awkward like putting your hand on their arm/shoulder (which personally, I always saw as a weird patronizing and stilted gesture rather than a comforting one). I am also very torn on who I want to romance first, because they are all equally delightful, but thankfully on itch I can just make save files for several MCs and all the different routes I play! Hell, yes!! Thank you for your work and sweat and tears!
Hi! For the first part, the "like you, they are..." is referring to MC's ancestor from the past, not James. At that point, MC is looking at their ancestor's portrait. Apologies for any confusion - I will see if I can make that clearer in future iterations. MC's ancestor is supposed to change name/gender based on what MC chooses. However, I have had some variable problems and need to check that.
The second thing: yes, I thought that was fixed about Felix but apparently not. I will fix it before the next update. It got kinda messed up because I moved the code from ChoiceScript which was a lot of work haha. Thank you for letting me know so I can look into it!
In regards to Margaret, something I hope to portray in more of the game is that a lot of her wariness to romance is just due to general wariness to being vulnerable due to her being hurt by people in her life, not all necessarily romantic partners. A lot of it was her family, people she trusted. Now, she finds it hard to open her heart to others. However, I appreciate hearing your thoughts and how it is received.
Thanks for giving my demo a try and for your feedback. I really appreciate it and will try to keep it in mind when I make another update!! I look forward to hopefully hearing your thoughts when chapter 2 comes out :)
Count on it!^^ Thank you for listening and I'm curious to see how it pans out from here!
Already extremely invested in so excited i found this
Thank you :) chapter 2 should be coming out in October or November.
whsjwksndb already so invested in the story, i reall want to rant about how much i love every character but sadly my memory is absolute garbage and i forgot every single name. I JUST REALLY LOVE HOW YOU WROTE THE CHARACTERS IS ALL
also love how much freedom you have the reader, it genuinely feels like there are so many paths to take that make your character's decisions alot more meaningful! :]
im not used to commenting, i did my best lolol i absolutely adore this, cant wait for the next chapter <3
Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm really happy that you like the characters :D
Chapter 2 will hopefully be out by the end of October!
I really appreciate the comment, it made my weekend! <3 hope you have a great week!
Hey, some quick questions. How customizable is player character, do you get to make meaningful choices, how far does sexual content go, how far is development, and how frequent are updates?
Hello, there's quite a bit of character customization in the demo: first name, pronouns, gender, royal title, tattoos, scars, family motto, a pet.
You do get to make meaningful choices and there will be different endings and different paths that you can take. Not every choice is necessarily meaningful but many are.
The current demo has the Prologue and Chapter 1, which is just over 40K words. The game's plot is outlined and I am working on chapter 2 at this time.
I can't give a hard date on when I update because it depends. Each chapter has a lot of branching and that takes time. But chapter 2 will be coming out around October (most likely).
The sexual content is not included yet but will be quite explicit, although skippable and completely optional. I recommend you read this ask on my Tumblr: https://at.tumblr.com/nextinline-if/so-uh-what-kind-of-options-are-you-intending...
Thank you for taking the times for the response, have a fitting day.
When will the NSFW scenes be implemented..?
For uh, research reasons obviously..
Ha - I can't give a for sure estimate because at the end of the day, it's going to be when I feel it fits in and doesn't feel forced. But I did give a possible estimate on my tumblr, here's the ask: https://nextinline-if.tumblr.com/post/694070576729440256/about-what-chapter-do-y...
Apologies that I can't be more specific at this time!
all good! I'm loving the story so far!
Thank you so much. I appreciate your playing and I'm really glad to hear that you like it so far.
Where is the demo
Hi! If you are on the itch.io app, it should stay install at the bottom. If you are on the website, it should say "Run Game" at the top of this page.
Oh, since I was using the app, I actually didn't even realize there was also a web version. If I realized that I would have clarified that it's on the app version that saves don't work. I checked the web version and they do work there.
Oh, thanks for letting me know. I'm still trying to figure it out but hopefully I will be able to. I'm sorry for any inconvenience about the offline saves!
Saves are not working. I know there is something you have to change for Twine saves to work offline, but I'm not sure what it is.
Oh no! I'll look into this now. Thank you for letting me know.
Hi so, I did some research and talked to some others. If you are still having trouble loading saves offline, I would recommend checking out this article: https://twinery.org/questions/8936/where-are-saves-stored-without-wifi
I'm not having trouble loading saves. It doesn't save, so there is nothing to load. And it's not internet, it's the fact that it's the offline version of the game.This is the error I get:
Gotcha, thanks for sharing the error, that helps. I haven't heard of anyone else having this issue and I asked some people to test the saving offline. But the screenshot is helping so I can try to look into it. Thank you.
hey! just thought i'd let you know that twine's in-game save slots work using your browser cache--meaning, they won't work on the itch.io app, as the itch.io app is not a browser with caches. that's why those slots work on web versions, but not on the app. this isn't exactly something authors can fix as far as i'm aware, but you can use the 'save to disk' option to download your saves and the 'load from disk' option to load them, i believe! hope this helps :)
Thank you for sharing - this is a great explanation and helpful.
I'm completely aware that that is how it works by default, but you definitely *can* change that default. Plenty of Twine authors have done so. I just don't know how to do it myself.
If you or anyone else knows of any specific authors, please point me in the right direction because I’ve talked to several and have not had any luck.
I’m kind of sad Felix isn’t a RO. I love a first love story & I know Frederick had his reasons, but whatever the reasons, they don’t explain why he chose to do THAT (trying not to spoil lol). Plus, Felix is so fun! Ah well, maybe I’ll forgive Frederick over time, or maybe I’ll just stick to Constantine.
There’s a typo or two throughout, but I didn’t think to take note of where, sorry about that. Other than that, I think this is a great start. My ONE possible critique would be it’d be nice to have options for a MC that either doesn’t care about her brother & Anna’s budding romance or doesn’t really like/support/feel comfortable with it.
Oh - hey, I meant to update on here but forgot, I made Felix an RO officially!
There will be more about what F did and why in chapter 2 :)
It's okay about the typos, I'm trying to find them all :D
I'm taking a break from writing this week but appreciate your feedback on the options and definitely think they are good suggestions so I'll see if I can work some of those in for when I update.
Thanks so much for giving my demo a go!!
Haven't played yet, but I added it to my collection to play later. It looks so unique, I like how the characters are silhouettes and how vintage this looks!
Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad to hear feedback on imagery :)