This was Phenomenal. There’s so much potential and depth in the plot, characters + decisions/consequences! I was so impressed when holding court that one of my Harbinger’s past decisions bore weight and helped me convince someone. I just had to let you know what an amazing start this is and that I’m really looking forward to the romances in particular (Lady Margaret - oof!); it’s so rare to feel like an LI feels isn’t just instantly falling for you because they have to/are your MC’s match. I hope I get to see them fully fleshed out.
I absolutely get completing long term projects (and the scale of it getting away from you) takes so much work, so take your time! And know we’re rooting for you! ❤️
Hey! Thank you so much for playing and for this comment. I love hearing thoughts from everyone, good and bad, and I really appreciate your sharing yours! Since it's early game, there are many decisions that won't show up for a while but it's definitely my intention that choices should matter as much as they can.
I definitely intend to further flesh out many characters, both LIs and others. Just like MC, they have likes, dislikes, pain, happy memories, etc. I want people to enjoy the story whether or not romance or friendship is involved. One reason I'm so so so slow with writing is because I try so hard to capture that character's voice and make them unique and true to themselves. The first version of my demo, I got a lot of comments that the characters flirted the same. That was good feedback because it was unintentional. I had to really dig deep into their psyches.
Anyway, sorry for the long response. If you read all this wow. Thank you again for taking the time!!
You don’t have to apologize for a long response - I appreciate you reaching out! I think taking good feedback/critiques is so important — especially from the community supporting your work. Writing characters + romance isn’t easy - I know my number one aim when I do so is to get characters’ voices right, because if you don’t have that down, what even is the point? You get that unmemorable/unsatisfying feeling. I think you’re on a great track; if there’s anything I also hope to see, it would also be variety in length of interactions with your LI. I feel like a lot of VNs/IFs kinda fall into this standard ‘we have to have a five minute moment here! Then a quick one later!’ Rinse, repeat. Longer moments (not just stolen ones, but intentional) - or even chapters centered on the LI would be not only realistic, but very gratifying for the reader. I’d also say more descriptions on the characters we’re interacting with would be nice; weaving it into the dialogue/narrative. I didn’t really know what anyone looked like until seeing their lil baby bios.
Hope that helps and thanks again for putting such an awesome story out there!!
All great points and definitely adding them to my list of things to consider and/or add. I really appreciate your feedback and your time! Wishing you the best in the meantime :)
Just started reading and it looks promising, did want to point out though (and I know this is super nitpicky and probably doesn't matter to you, feel free to ignore it) that the latin is (or at least sounds to me) broken in some places. Aequam servare mentem would be "to keep the mind calm" which makes sense in the original full sentence, but doesn't mean "keep the mind calm" (if you want that, aequam serva mentem sounds fine to me). I was also gonna talk about fortis est non perturbaris and all that, but I just discovered that this is a bit of a common quote (still sounds wrong to me though, I think this is a similar case of something clipped out of context, might be wrong). My translation of "the strong do not falter in adversity" would be something like fortes non perturbantur rebus asperis. Once again, sorry for this huge post, I know this prolly doesn't matter to you (and also I might be wrong), but were I you, I'd wanna be told, so yeah.
hey, thank you :) when i get back into working on the game, I will review the Latin, your notes, and do more research. Appreciate you making the post and giving it a shot.
This is a really minor thing, but it might be a good idea to mention the sex of the pet when the player is naming it. I named my raven Nyx, only to later learn it was a male raven, so I had to restart to give him a more appropriate name.
Haha who needs a bodyguard when you have a pet lion? What a good boi. I just might pick lion for a pet in all my runs just cause of everyone's reactions
“You’re crossing a line, Felix,” Frederick growls, “Of course I haven’t forgotten my dead wife.”
Felix holds his hands up in mock defense, “Apologies, brother. What I meant to say was, how did you manage to run away from the person who loved you, only to have your new lover die? Unlucky you are.”
Oh. Shit. Both you and Anna are too shocked to move. Felix has a devilish grin on his face and his eyes dance with mischief. Frederick grabs his brother by the shirt but doesn’t throw any punches, despite his angry shake. He appears to be having an internal dialogue.
They definitely deserve that. And your right the ex-lover route definitely need more options to be angry of them or just straight up not interact with them. What they did is definitely a big no no for anyone.
Hi - I'm sorry. It's not going smoothly at the moment. My mother in law is very sick and hospitalized and I don't have the capacity to spend a lot of time outside of work and family matters. That said, it's definitely not abandoned. I'm sorry that I can't dedicate more to this right not.
I keep encountering this error and i restarted but i still have it.
Felix holds his hands up in mock defense, “Apologies, sister. What I meant to say was, how did you manage to run away from the person who loved you, only to have your new lover die? Unlucky you are.”
Oh. Shit. Both you and Anna are too shocked to move. Felix has a devilish grin on his face and his eyes dance with mischief. Freyja grabs her brother by the shirt but doesn’t throw any punches, despite her angry shake. She appears to be having an internal dialogue.
Hi - sorry for the delay in responding. I'll look into this and respond back when I believe it is fixed. Apologies again and thanks for letting me know.
Hi - yes. I've been on a break recently due to my mother in law being diagnosed with cancer. That said, I am definitely not abandoning this game :) hopefully I can get the rest of chapter 2 done shortly. Thanks for playing!
Three small errors towards the end of chapter 2 part 1:
The name of Constantine's horse shifts from Allegiance to Justice.
If you sit next to Felix in the carriage and tell him 'You're fine', then 'Thank the Gods that you've shut up', that will lead to 'Error: the passage "endpart1" does not exist'.
If instead you pat the seat next to you to get F to sit there, Felix will smirk at his '$fisibling'.
Hey no problem, just trying to help out. Thank you for writing this IF, I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Edit: Oh dear, I just read your reply to the comment above about why you are taking a break. I'm so sorry, I did not mean to imply any form of pressure for you to resume writing.
I think theres a bug! After talking privately with F in either chapter 1 or the prologue and going back to Anna Felix, they get into an argument and it says "you..." like it's going to give me an option to do something, but there are no options so I cant progress :(
this is Really good and it really just. hits in the heart sometimes ghjkjh I love your writing and how it flows the characters feel alive and right and i just. really loved the experience!
Ok, that was awesome. This is easily my top 5 interactive games so far. So good and, thankfully, mature. And like so many other of my top 5 is a slow and painful process aka WIP. I hate when a games is in WIP status. But I digress, my question is for you and for any fellow readers that might know about coding, do you have any link to a video, guide book or anything that might help to develop games in twine? I have the coding skills if 80 year old boomer and I get frustrated because I have an amazing story in my head but I can use a tool as extent as Twine. Please help 🙇🙏🙇
Hi, not sure if this is still relevant, but a lot of authors have links (if that's what they're called) on their page. Just click 'More Information' above the devlog and then the authors name. Hope this helps :)
Thank you, that's very kind of you. I also hate when games are WIP lol. Feel free to message me on Tumblr or Discord or email me at vi@vwpublishing.com and I would be happy to provide advice for Twine. But yes, as someone else stated, many authors have free resources on their blogs. This is still a WIP, but I do have a spreadsheet here with some resources: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/9/d/15vgEwV8lOyYZPM-BF61zkO3HAxKOSBDdT7-2...
I've been trying so hard! I want to try and get the guy to confess about stealing some of his neighbors acres. I did it once and now I can't do it again... Do I have to do a certain thing to be able to do that? Or was it like removed. To put it easier, I can no longer see "The letter seems off." (I think that's what it said.) option when I'm trying to fix the problem between the two men. But also the game is amazing, I showed it to my friend and she fell in love with it!
hey! I’ll take a look at the coding this weekend. The option is still there! I did change how attributes work so I might have just messed up the variables. You do have to do something particular to get that choice. Let me check and I’ll come back and tell you what has to be done :) I think you have to have either the deception or suspicious attribute but I might have messed up that on the backend so I’ll check!
And thank you so much for playing and for showing your friend! That means a lot to me <3
Of course! My friend is obsessed now, every time we meet she squeals just thinking about it. (I do too, of course.) And I think I did get the suspicious attribute or was it deception? I just don't remember how or which one. Thanks for helping! (And for making the game.)
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is this abandoned or not, i don't wanna get attached to something that will never update
Not abandoned but I totally get that.
The game is sooo good!!! i cant wait for chapter 2 to be finished!!! keep up the good work >:333
thank you so much :)
I don't like F and need more female LI.
Hi! I’m sorry you don’t like F. The love interests are set, I won’t be adding any more.
This was Phenomenal. There’s so much potential and depth in the plot, characters + decisions/consequences! I was so impressed when holding court that one of my Harbinger’s past decisions bore weight and helped me convince someone. I just had to let you know what an amazing start this is and that I’m really looking forward to the romances in particular (Lady Margaret - oof!); it’s so rare to feel like an LI feels isn’t just instantly falling for you because they have to/are your MC’s match. I hope I get to see them fully fleshed out.
I absolutely get completing long term projects (and the scale of it getting away from you) takes so much work, so take your time! And know we’re rooting for you! ❤️
Hey! Thank you so much for playing and for this comment. I love hearing thoughts from everyone, good and bad, and I really appreciate your sharing yours! Since it's early game, there are many decisions that won't show up for a while but it's definitely my intention that choices should matter as much as they can.
I definitely intend to further flesh out many characters, both LIs and others. Just like MC, they have likes, dislikes, pain, happy memories, etc. I want people to enjoy the story whether or not romance or friendship is involved. One reason I'm so so so slow with writing is because I try so hard to capture that character's voice and make them unique and true to themselves. The first version of my demo, I got a lot of comments that the characters flirted the same. That was good feedback because it was unintentional. I had to really dig deep into their psyches.
Anyway, sorry for the long response. If you read all this wow. Thank you again for taking the time!!
- Vi
You don’t have to apologize for a long response - I appreciate you reaching out! I think taking good feedback/critiques is so important — especially from the community supporting your work. Writing characters + romance isn’t easy - I know my number one aim when I do so is to get characters’ voices right, because if you don’t have that down, what even is the point? You get that unmemorable/unsatisfying feeling. I think you’re on a great track; if there’s anything I also hope to see, it would also be variety in length of interactions with your LI. I feel like a lot of VNs/IFs kinda fall into this standard ‘we have to have a five minute moment here! Then a quick one later!’ Rinse, repeat. Longer moments (not just stolen ones, but intentional) - or even chapters centered on the LI would be not only realistic, but very gratifying for the reader. I’d also say more descriptions on the characters we’re interacting with would be nice; weaving it into the dialogue/narrative. I didn’t really know what anyone looked like until seeing their lil baby bios.
Hope that helps and thanks again for putting such an awesome story out there!!
All great points and definitely adding them to my list of things to consider and/or add. I really appreciate your feedback and your time! Wishing you the best in the meantime :)
Just started reading and it looks promising, did want to point out though (and I know this is super nitpicky and probably doesn't matter to you, feel free to ignore it) that the latin is (or at least sounds to me) broken in some places. Aequam servare mentem would be "to keep the mind calm" which makes sense in the original full sentence, but doesn't mean "keep the mind calm" (if you want that, aequam serva mentem sounds fine to me). I was also gonna talk about fortis est non perturbaris and all that, but I just discovered that this is a bit of a common quote (still sounds wrong to me though, I think this is a similar case of something clipped out of context, might be wrong). My translation of "the strong do not falter in adversity" would be something like fortes non perturbantur rebus asperis. Once again, sorry for this huge post, I know this prolly doesn't matter to you (and also I might be wrong), but were I you, I'd wanna be told, so yeah.
hey, thank you :) when i get back into working on the game, I will review the Latin, your notes, and do more research. Appreciate you making the post and giving it a shot.
This is a really minor thing, but it might be a good idea to mention the sex of the pet when the player is naming it. I named my raven Nyx, only to later learn it was a male raven, so I had to restart to give him a more appropriate name.
yeah, that's totally fair. I will add that to my update list. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Haha who needs a bodyguard when you have a pet lion? What a good boi. I just might pick lion for a pet in all my runs just cause of everyone's reactions
i hope everything gets better for you :( sending lots of love your way ♡
thank you <3 your message means a lot.
“You’re crossing a line, Felix,” Frederick growls, “Of course I haven’t forgotten my dead wife.”
Felix holds his hands up in mock defense, “Apologies, brother. What I meant to say was, how did you manage to run away from the person who loved you, only to have your new lover die? Unlucky you are.”
Oh. Shit. Both you and Anna are too shocked to move. Felix has a devilish grin on his face and his eyes dance with mischief. Frederick grabs his brother by the shirt but doesn’t throw any punches, despite his angry shake. He appears to be having an internal dialogue.
You…
And no options :(
They definitely deserve that. And your right the ex-lover route definitely need more options to be angry of them or just straight up not interact with them. What they did is definitely a big no no for anyone.
Out of curiosity, is development going smoothly? There hasn't been much in terms of updates since August.
There is a post on Tumblr
Oh so things are NOT going smoothly..
At least it's not abandoned and the author lets us know quite regularly what's going on. Unlike many others :/
Yeah true enough
Hi - I'm sorry. It's not going smoothly at the moment. My mother in law is very sick and hospitalized and I don't have the capacity to spend a lot of time outside of work and family matters. That said, it's definitely not abandoned. I'm sorry that I can't dedicate more to this right not.
I keep encountering this error and i restarted but i still have it.
Felix holds his hands up in mock defense, “Apologies, sister. What I meant to say was, how did you manage to run away from the person who loved you, only to have your new lover die? Unlucky you are.”
Oh. Shit. Both you and Anna are too shocked to move. Felix has a devilish grin on his face and his eyes dance with mischief. Freyja grabs her brother by the shirt but doesn’t throw any punches, despite her angry shake. She appears to be having an internal dialogue.
You…
and nothing pops up for this, what do I do?
Hi - sorry for the delay in responding. I'll look into this and respond back when I believe it is fixed. Apologies again and thanks for letting me know.
Man I love everyones reaction when your per is a lion.
They freak out over a wolf, to. It's so funny. Meanwhile, my MC is like..."whose a good boi?" while giving him fierce belly rubs. xD
It was funny how James was afraid of ferret.
To be fair, those little suckers know how to bite. xD
Small but dangerous 🥰🥹
Please tell me this project is still ongoing. I like the premise.
It is. You can follow progress updates on her Tumblr blog.
Hi - yes. I've been on a break recently due to my mother in law being diagnosed with cancer. That said, I am definitely not abandoning this game :) hopefully I can get the rest of chapter 2 done shortly. Thanks for playing!
Three small errors towards the end of chapter 2 part 1:
Sorry about those and thanks for flagging. I will try to update this soon. I appreciate the time you took to share them with me.
Hey no problem, just trying to help out. Thank you for writing this IF, I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Edit: Oh dear, I just read your reply to the comment above about why you are taking a break. I'm so sorry, I did not mean to imply any form of pressure for you to resume writing.
I think theres a bug! After talking privately with F in either chapter 1 or the prologue and going back to Anna Felix, they get into an argument and it says "you..." like it's going to give me an option to do something, but there are no options so I cant progress :(
Sorry - working on fixing this!
this is Really good and it really just. hits in the heart sometimes ghjkjh I love your writing and how it flows
the characters feel alive and right and i just. really loved the experience!
freja beloved...
anyway! remember to take care of yourself @-@
Thank you so much, I appreciate your kind words!
!! :D
I can't save the game
same
Ok, that was awesome. This is easily my top 5 interactive games so far. So good and, thankfully, mature. And like so many other of my top 5 is a slow and painful process aka WIP. I hate when a games is in WIP status. But I digress, my question is for you and for any fellow readers that might know about coding, do you have any link to a video, guide book or anything that might help to develop games in twine? I have the coding skills if 80 year old boomer and I get frustrated because I have an amazing story in my head but I can use a tool as extent as Twine. Please help 🙇🙏🙇
Hi, not sure if this is still relevant, but a lot of authors have links (if that's what they're called) on their page. Just click 'More Information' above the devlog and then the authors name. Hope this helps :)
Sorry for the delay answering. I checked this out and, yes! They do have links. Thanks for bringing it to my attention
Thank you, that's very kind of you. I also hate when games are WIP lol. Feel free to message me on Tumblr or Discord or email me at vi@vwpublishing.com and I would be happy to provide advice for Twine. But yes, as someone else stated, many authors have free resources on their blogs. This is still a WIP, but I do have a spreadsheet here with some resources: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/9/d/15vgEwV8lOyYZPM-BF61zkO3HAxKOSBDdT7-2...
OMG this is amazing thank you. Is very detailed and has everything I need. You're a life saver
so glad to hear that! Hope it helps. You’ve got this and I hope to read your game in the future :)
Thanks for the kind words. It's just a working title but it's called The Silver Moon Chronicles.
I love the name!!
This is so fun
I've been trying so hard! I want to try and get the guy to confess about stealing some of his neighbors acres. I did it once and now I can't do it again... Do I have to do a certain thing to be able to do that? Or was it like removed. To put it easier, I can no longer see "The letter seems off." (I think that's what it said.) option when I'm trying to fix the problem between the two men. But also the game is amazing, I showed it to my friend and she fell in love with it!
hey! I’ll take a look at the coding this weekend. The option is still there! I did change how attributes work so I might have just messed up the variables. You do have to do something particular to get that choice. Let me check and I’ll come back and tell you what has to be done :) I think you have to have either the deception or suspicious attribute but I might have messed up that on the backend so I’ll check!
And thank you so much for playing and for showing your friend! That means a lot to me <3
Of course! My friend is obsessed now, every time we meet she squeals just thinking about it. (I do too, of course.) And I think I did get the suspicious attribute or was it deception? I just don't remember how or which one. Thanks for helping! (And for making the game.)
I had deception attribute and was able to tell the note of sale was forged.